In Need of a Surrogate?

Looking for work?….Would you like to sell your body?

2011-07-29T12:54:00.000-07:00

If you happen to ever be flipping through craigslist adds under the jobs category and come across "Marine Manufacturing"….this doesn't mean marine manufacturing…it means hooker. If you are wanting a low paying job where the job requirements are as follows (see below) than this is the job for you!!!

Requirements:

-Love of the water

-Kayak eperience

-bikini ownership (it is part of the uniform list)

-willing to travel "must be single, no relationship ties, and no pets is a must"

-intelligence, self discipline, and self respect

If you have self respect and intelligence than this is the job for you! Be able to bikini it up and demo motorized kayaks along the Emerald coast for "pay that aligns with specific work areas".

Which makes me question…if I swimsuit it up…do I get paid more? If so….I'm in.

Too good to be true? See for yourself…

http://pensacola.craigslist.org/csr/2501763655.html

Is looking for a loving home……...

2011-05-20T10:41:00.000-07:00

For those of you interested in owning a lil male hedgehog let me know. McHedgie is a couple of years old. Super calm and loves to sleep. The only time he makes noise is at night when he has eaten all his food you can hear him digging through the cage like a fat kid trying to find more. You will probably need a new cage for the lil guy but let me tell you what comes with him…. a wheel, LOTS of food, food dish, water dish, toys, his love, and bedding. Now this lil guy is free HOWEVER - he HAS to go to a good home and I am super protective.

Here are a few pictures of my spiky friend….and some of his hobbies

He LOVES going on adventures….and eating ants…

He loves hiding in small places and looking grumpy….

He likes hanging out in his cage…

Hangs out on the pool table…

McHedgie is also good at riding the longboard…

Mutant Ducks.....

2011-03-22T14:19:00.000-07:00

So I KNOW you've heard of the mighty ducks but I bet you haven't heard of the mutant ducks! IF that statement is true than YOU my friend have never been to the Marina Club apartments.

They failed to mention this in the tour when I originally showed interest in moving here. They pointed out the artistically designed swimming pool, swanky lofted apts with high ceilings, giant pond, fitness center and all the good stuff that usually comes with apartment life....HOWEVER, they failed to mention that I would spend my days living here in constant fear of the craziest looking ducks I have ever seen.

They are more like vultures....now seeing them in the water you may not think anything about it...when you see them out in the wild....THATS when the crazy comes out. Seriously they are HUGE. Bigger than my dog.....Anyways. I must be on my way....I leave you with this picture....

When in Rome......

2010-12-02T12:42:00.000-08:00

So this past Tuesday my little brother had a surgery called .... ok honestly I don't know the technical term for it but here is what wiki says about it....

The Ravitch technique is an invasive surgery developed in the 1950s to treat the condition. This procedure involves creating an incision along the chest through which the cartilage is removed and the sternum detached. A small bar is then inserted underneath the sternum to hold it up in the desired position. The bar is left implanted until the cartilage grows back, typically about 6 months.

So with that said he has been doing well. On the medical side he had is foley and JP drain both removed today. He still has an epidural which is dosing him with a sweet amount of nerve block and hydromorphone and p.o. valium on the side.

Now on the psychological side he is being hilarious. Evidently large doses of benzo's and pain medication leads to hilarity.

Here are a few of my favorite conversation Christopher has had.....

Convo 1:

Respiratory therapist: oook we are going to scan your lil bracelet to make sure you are the right person.

Chris: (in the creepiest voice ever) OH i AM the right person (checks out R.T.) ....mmmm maybe not for you

Convo 2:

Nurse: Ok maybe today we can get you a bath....

Chris: you can get me a sponge bath....

Nurse: Well actually we have this 6'7" guy who gives bed baths...he walks in (she wasn't kidding...i've used that excuse before but its never been true!)

Chris: I'm straight

Convo 3:

Chris: I wish I could sleep but I can't stop pissing in this freaking tube.....(5 minutes pass) I did it again! I pissed in the tube (he was really frustrated though...it was funny)

Convo 4:

Chris: My nipples are itchy ( he was talking about his telemetry patches)

Those are just a few that come to mind currently. I'll update when I think of more.

Shrek does Main Event

2010-10-08T09:29:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago Austin and I went to a Texas Rangers game. The national anthem singer was none other than Shrek himself!!! Seriously...the guy that is playing Shrek the musical in Dallas this year sang the national anthem. Trick is though he was not wearing a costume he still looked like Shrek. I would love to meet the casting director!

Moving on. For date night this week Austin and I thought we would be amiss if we didn't invite our good friend Shrek. Here is pictures of him hanging out with us at main event taking a break from bowling and playing some games!

Thanks for the fun times Shrek!

Hey its where JFK was shot...

2010-08-10T08:34:00.000-07:00

I am almost finished with the move to Dallas, Texas! Now that I am back in a superior state and a superior city I have come up with a list of things that are need to get done in order to erase Oklahoma from my mind.

So here it is...

In no particular order...

- join the Dallas running club (check)
- paint room (check)
-go to zoo (dallas AND fort worth)
- visit all the cultural things to do in DFW ... only cultural thing to do in OKC is visit the arts festival....that only has indian paintings and dream catchers.
- find a rowing team
- find a job (check)
- eat LOTS of REAL mexican food
- spend time at sun dance square
- concerts...lots and lots of concerts
- Dallas World Aquarium (on Saturday!)
- Nasher Sculpture Center
- ALLLL the art museums
- eat at Monicas
- frisbee golf at white rock lake
- Ikea
- eat snow cones....YEAR ROUND
- paint Chris' room
- redo the bathroom....new sink...mirror...whole bit
- clean out the garage (check)

McHedgie

2010-06-28T06:01:00.000-07:00

http://iheartfaces.blogspot.com/

The cats in the cradle...

2010-06-27T16:45:00.000-07:00

SO. A couple of weeks ago Austin and I came upon this lil' kitten from a friend. We were supposed to find a home for it when I had my garage sale but he was just too cute...we kept him.

Introducing Manny....

this is him right before he got his lil kitty shots.

He is soooo sweet. He loves to cuddle with Austin...actually I'm pretty sure that is Manny's favorite thing to do...

but sometimes he gets tired of just laying around....AND ATTACKS!

Worst....Idea....EVER

2010-05-28T15:09:00.001-07:00

CHEERIOS FAIL

IN THE EVENT OF A TORNADO...

2010-05-19T15:49:00.000-07:00

In the event of a tornado please make it over to my house by any means necessary. Once you get there please enter and throw yourself on my kitchen table. Your body must cover every inch...so I would prefer you to be of the larger type.

You may be wondering what I value so highly to put others lives on the line for?

My accomplishments.

Thats right. My single accomplishment is FINALLY finishing this puzzle after 4+ months of working on it.

First I would like to thank everyone who made this possible.

McHedgie and Austin for all the hours they sacrificed in order for me to accomplish my life goal.

Sommer for covering my part in chores.

God for giving me the strength to keep placing pieces when I had no motivation left.

And to all of you I didn't mention that feel you deserve a thanks...well...thank you.

To the birds outside of my window when I'm trying to sleep...

2010-05-11T11:39:00.000-07:00

To the birds who love to sit on my window seal while I am trying to sleep.....

Also....to the wasp who lives in my mailbox...after a week of not being there I thought you had read my facebook status about you. It offended you enough to move on. Hindsight is always 20/20. Its clear now that you saw bad weather coming and went on a vacation. Welcome home.

Wicked.

2010-03-23T20:27:00.001-07:00

Hello my young...and not so young readers...I'm pretty sure my grandma reads this blog. I have returned from China and am now planning on my next trip to Singapore. Whose in?!

... {insert some interesting segue to my next topic here} ...

For those of you who know me know that I am a lover of puzzles. Sudoku? Crosswords? NO. Real puzzles with little pieces cut out and you fit them all together to make a bigger picture. Anyways. Roughly three months ago I bought this puzzle to kill time during the snow storms...(this is when I thought I wouldn't be working during them..). Usually my life shuts down in the event of a puzzle. When I was in school I stopped going to classes...skipped meals...didn't sleep...all to finish a puzzle.

Another love of mine is Wicked - the musical. Beautiful.

So it is no suprise when perusing through the game store at the Quail Springs mall I found/purchased a wicked puzzle...looks just like the Broadway poster. I figured I would knock this puzzle out in a week TOPS. When I gave the cashier my debit card he made a snide "good luck" comment. I thought he was just making fun of the puzzle and thought, "douche you work in a puzzle store."

...I now know he sincerely meant that good luck from the bottom of his lil heart. As I was saying...THREE months this puzzle has been 1/2 finished on my kitchen table. Its now a center piece. I lay papers over it, mail, keys, whatever I have when I come in the front door on my way to the kitchen.

This post is really a plea. If any of you out there have a love of puzzles please help me finish this. We can work on it in shift work. Let me know if you are interested.

Funky toooowwwwn

2010-03-09T02:30:00.001-08:00

Well my fellow bloggers I'm in China for the next couple weeks. More blogs when I return! ...Unless I get trapped in a Chinese prison for the next 40 years or something...I don't think they will let me blog from prison...in communism country.

The Pacifist takes Action!

2010-02-02T11:47:00.000-08:00

Some of you understand my love for animals. Whether it be a dog on the street I am willing to rescue (owner or not...who lets their dogs get out?!...I guess some may call that stealing) or the food I leave in the backyard in hopes that a stray cat may find a place of refuge I am willing to go to any length to save my animal friends. This is my confession today. I guess my love for animals stems partly from my roommates hate for animals.

Thats right. Sommer Terry is an animal hater. Example:

see the animal hater jacket she is wearing?!?! This is normal outerwear for my roommate.

Anyways she won't let me get a dog so I have been forced to post this about her so the world will know!

Is a hot pocket considered ethnic food?

2010-01-22T07:17:00.000-08:00

Are hot pockets and pizza rolls considered "ethnic foods"????

Well at your local buy for less they are...

Craigslist item of the week..."Love oasis"

2010-01-21T15:06:00.001-08:00

For my first CLIOTW post I am going to start off with an oldie. This was a little item I found back in 2008. I believe this item can still be yours for the small price of $600. Might sound a little expensive right now not knowing what it is. Once you find out what we are selling here you will realize what a steal the price is.

In my search for the meaning of life a couple years ago I found it in Craigslist. Hopefully by now you have spent some time with Craig's list of amazing items. If you spend enough time with Craig and his list you can find gold nuggets of treasure like this....

Pink Upholstered Vagina Couch.

Thats right! You! For $600 dollars can be the proud owner of a 5 x 3 foot sized vagina couch. It comes with an appropriate placed pillow for your head. If you have any questions feel free to shoot me an e-mail. Lets get some of the questions out of the way first.

1. Does the podium come with the couch? No

2. Does the she man come with the couch? For extra

3. Is this couch appropriate for children? Only if you want to be turned in to DHS.

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/540076210.html

Game of the week....

2010-01-20T06:55:00.001-08:00

Ok so here it is. This weeks game of the week. Hopefully I'll be able to post one every Wednesday from the comfort of my bed.

Also I am hoping to post a little something daily...but we will see how that goes. So far on my topics schedule here is what I have

Sunday- Random note about my life

Monday-....

Tuesday-....

Wednesday- game of the week

Thursday-craigslist item of the week

Friday-picture of the week

Saturday-Things I've learned this week

So if you have any ideas for Monday or Tuesday OR if you have game of the week ideas feel free to e-mail me at waltsj405@gmail.com.

Moving right along. Since today's theme is game of the week let me introduce you to this weeks game.

I call it.... The pincher.

Here is how to play. From a seated location take your pointer finger and your thumb to make a pinching motion. Once you have figured out the set up for this game you've conquered half the battle. After you have finished setting up you spot a random person doing something ... anything really. Then you close one eye to make that person look smaller and pretend to pinch them or squish. Whichever you would like. Finally take a picture and e-mail to me. Again the address is waltsj405@gmail.com.

Example:

In Honor of Glen Bell

2010-01-19T10:01:00.000-08:00

The word Bell may mean nothing to you but for me. It is everything. So many things "Bell" are so important to our daily lives. Not following? Let me give you some examples....bell bike equipment...bell helicopter....christmas bells...and most importantly Taco Bell.

Upon blog stalking today I found out Mr. Glen Bell of Taco Bell passed away. I am scared for a number of reasons...

Will Taco Bell continue to exist? Will the Bell legend of legendary bean burritos pass away with the man who was behind them? Only time will tell.

I can remember the first time I went to taco bell. Will you go there with me?

It was a bright hot summer day in Texas. I was walking with my best friend Bobby Mar-lay. We were singing a little song he wrote singing it note for note. Then all of a sudden we stumbled across this little cottage on the beach. It had a bell on it....and we bought tacos.

Little did we know this was the start of the Taco Bell empire. Now love can be bought...or my love can be bought for the price of $2 dollars. That will get you two bean burritos if you were wondering... if taco bell goes out of business then the world will be a sadder place.

Another question that comes to mind when thinking about Glen Bell's death...was it something he ate? If so ... will they stop selling that at Taco Bell?

Anyways I must go be productive. I leave you with this piece of inspiration...

In the past I have done strange things for money...

2010-01-06T18:07:00.000-08:00

...Ok...So that sounds dirty. I needed a good attention getter for my first blog post. But its true. Its how I came up with the title of this fine institution. It started out so simply. With a phone call...

"Is this Stephanie?"
.....Yes
"Would you like to participate in a medical study..."
......
"You get paid"
YES!

Now that the medical studies seem to be going through a drought. I have loaned out my veins for plamsa. $30 a week giving my plasma.

Truth is my arms are tired of being stuck with a 17 gauge needle. So I've been looking for bigger opportunities. In nursing school I learned that we have two kidneys and get this....we can live with ONE! ALSO. A womans uterus...can go out on loan...WHO KNEW!? All these legal opportunities for easy cash are getting to me. Why work when you can sell what you have. Call me an entrepreneur.

Anyways this blog seemed like a good idea to take up some time. Enjoy.